Have you ever felt so scared of making decisions? It’s just like going into a theater and not knowing which movie to see. You want to see both but you just can’t. Because it is either you are afraid that the money you’ll pay for might be put to waste because the movie might suck, or you just can’t make great decisions for yourself. This instance has already happened to me couple of years ago. So here goes.

I went out with this feeling that I am finally ready to watch a movie. So I arrived at the theater not knowing what to watch. Before I left home, I was so convinced that the movie I’m about to see is “Hancock”. Yes, yung movie nga ni Will Smith. Pero nung nakita ko bigla yung “Incredible Hulk” (oo yung kay Edward Norton), parang nalito ako. But then my subconscious tells me “you came here for Hancock, so might as well go for it”. So pinanood ko. Okay naman siya. But then after a few months, I saw Hulk on DVD and said “ito nalang sana ang pinanood ko”. 

Regrets sa buhay. Parang nung college lang ako. Meron akong 2 subjects na magkadugtong. Advance Television Production and the other is Production Design. Hindi ko manlang pinagsabay! Bakit? Wala lang. Kasya pa naman siya sa number of units ko. Damn decision making… I suck at it. So nagsisi ako ng sobra sobra sa huli. Nakakainis lang kasi lagi nalang pag gumagawa ako ng decisions, sa huli lagi nalang “sana pala hindi ko ginawa” or “sana pala ginawa ko”.

Right now I feel exactly the same way. I believe so that it is about time for me to move out and spread my wings. Emotionally kasi, kung nasan man ako ngayon, I’m not growing. I am weighing my options. Should I stay? Or should I start finding a place where I can move in to. Hala! Wala pako ganung pera para dun. Pero kelangan. Kasi alam kong yun ang makakabuti. To be away from everything else. There are things I need. I know I have ‘em. But there are things I want. I know for myself those stuff must be earned. How the hell am I suppose to do that?

E hindi nga ako makagawa ng move! Pag gumawa ako ng desisyon, natatakot lang ako na baka lang magsisi nanaman ako sa huli. I have had enough with my bullshit decisions. That’s why I no longer make them. But I’m an adult. I should make them. 

Oras na ba?